Ok I solved it myself... thought I'd post in case someone else gets same problem...
Glassfish does not seem to like running on a host with another hostname than it was configured for (eg what happens if you run ant -f setup-cluster.xml)
It does not matter that it binds all ports, /etc/hosts looks ok, domain.xml is fixed etc, you will have to reinstall if you want it to work. Maybe this is there in the doc somewhere already..
I solved it by editing setup-cluster.xml, set DAS to the fqdn hostname I want (I have 2 NIC's and 3 IP addresses on the host, its a RHEL cluster node). Then run "hostname [DAS fqdn]" and then "HOSTNAME=[DAS fqdn] ant -f setup-cluster.xml"
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